Are you like me and you push, push, push to get stuff done and be where you think you ought to be? This one is for you. And for me, next week when I need a reminder.
Theme for a week
‘Allowing’ (in the context of how I feel, not to do with anyone else) has been my theme for this week. Not intentionally, in the spirit of the word I just allowed it to happen. It presented itself to me and I rolled with it! Practicing it has been nothing short of transformational.
I meditate a lot. Like really a lot at the moment. I was getting a bit frustrated with it because I couldn’t seem to let go (hence last week’s theme of letting go…). I wanted all the profound experiences that I’ve read about in books and it was like I had got to a point where I was standing on a precipice in my mind and enlightenment was in the void in front of me and I was too scared to take the next step. Almost as if it were a muscle in my arm that I’d forgotten how to use so my arm was hanging limp, even though I knew in theory I should be able to raise it. All I got was thoughts going round and round and the frustrating sound of my own breath. It’s where the self-doubt comes in – the ‘am I a lousy meditator?’ the ‘maybe I’m broken’, ‘maybe I’m not supposed to do this’.
Changing the channel
That was last week. After a very good session with my chiropractor/kinesiologist, this week the song in my head switched from David Bowie’s ‘Life on Mars’ to ‘Let It Go’ from the movie Frozen. All week. Lucky it’s a good song, and tuneful reminders are nice 😉
Interestingly, I stopped worrying about letting go in my meditation. I realised that that is actually where I had been going wrong! Worrying, pushing, forcing, or striving to achieve something places your mind in the future, which any spiritual teacher will tell you is a sure fire way to find unhappiness. It’s not sitting in the present, with things as they are and accepting that they are. Allowing. As Eckhart Tolle says, being truly in the present moment is the only thing that gives you a choice about the next moment, and your choice is either to accept or to change. It’s a concept I find really empowering and calming. In my meditation, in that present moment, there is no precipice. There is only my fear, and I can choose to accept it for now or to change it. I chose to change my approach and to look around. To notice that as well as my fear there is opportunity. There is light and space and life. This was an incredibly wonderful thing to realise!
I realised that I could choose to allow the good stuff to grow, and allow the fear to fade. Allowing and letting go go hand in hand.
This was the first of a series of massive epiphanies for me this week, and they all came from the same place, from allowing. I gave myself permission to be where I am, as I am right now. I realised that what I had been doing with everything in my life, from my career and business to my personal life and everything in between was to push myself into this idea of what I think I want or who I should be, to try and smoosh myself into a box of my own creation. I was in the process of repressing my future self and creating lots of stress! And I probably would have blamed it on something external like a person at work or social media being weird or something but actually it would have been entirely my own creation. I saw clearly that pushing isn’t working for me. Simply allowing myself to be is incomparably better.
What I found was that my meditation started creating space. It created stillness and acceptance. Then, later in the day, because I wasn’t pushing myself to be something contrived by my brain, all this awesome stuff was able to come up through that space. I allowed it to be. My soul popped in to say hello, several times. I had some bloody good ideas, way better than when I push and desperately seek for them. I feel really expanded and happy, in that way that we mean when someone asks how we want to feel in life and we say ‘I just want to be happy’. Not to rub it in your face or anything but it is honestly a ridiculously good way to be! Just from a change in mindset!
Flowing with the feminine
To allow is a very feminine energy thing. At one point I had the thought train which ran something along the lines of “allowing is so wonderful I should give up pushing completely” – “but then I’ll never get anything done, all that la de dah won’t create a business, I need goals and lists and timelines” (hello masculine) – “fair point, maybe I should keep the allowing for just some things or give it up, because I am really committed to this biz”… luckily at this point my higher self/ soul voice/ spirit stepped in and said “you need them both, they can complement each other, find the balance”. So balance might be my next theme word, but I’ll allow it to tell me how and when.
Morals of this story:
‘Allow’ is an excellent theme word for a week. Have a go and see what arrives when you stop pushing or searching for something. Practice on little, insignificant things first and aim to have fun with it if the thought creates any anxiety. Yoga is also practically designed for practicing this concept.
Meditating is wonderful, and doing it with no expectations is more happy-making. Simply notice everything as it is. Allow the thoughts to come, and more importantly, allow the thoughts to go. Allow peace to come, and allow yourself to realise it had been there all along. Having a daily practice is transformational.
What are your thoughts on this? Is it something you practice? Let me know in the comments below!